The past recent flares have been absolutely utterly excruciating. Of course they have been happening during extremely busy times of my life; road trip with boyfriend, busy work day at the cafe, yoga class to teach; it never fails.
I was thinking that this HAS to make us stronger to continually endure pain so often and so intensely. Showers make me grimace and cry, turning my head causes a sharp needle like nerve reaction down my neck and back, stretching my arm out tears the skin so I shrug my shoulders all day to compensate. Taking big bites of food hurts and the skin is so tight it pulls down on my eyelids when I yawn.
Yet with all that pain, it doesn't look as bad as it used to. But feels the fucking same.
The second flare on my road trip was probably one of the top three most painful experiences in my life. I questioned everything, if this was really TSW or I had some terrible disease, if it was because I had enjoyed recreational marijuana in Colorado and I need to change my life around, and then I finally wondered if for some reason I deserved this misery. Shit got real that night in the bathtub for me. My mind was spinning out of control and my face, neck and arms had a throbbing pulse to them that shot painful needles to the area and surrounding area every time I moved or took a deep breath.
The second flare was this morning before working at the cafe on Labor Day. I wanted nothing more but to crawl back in bed and sleep it off until the afternoon where I would then sink into a bath. But instead I worked one of the busiest days I've worked there and consequently the longest.
I am about 26 months in; a little over two years. SO much has changed yet I also feel like nothing has since the first flare.
I have genuinely had enough, I want my normal life back where showers didn't feel like battery acid.
Little Red Sol SIster