Didn't sleep good last night at all. Woke up about four times, neck was raw and sensitive and my eyes were getting puffy.
The puffiness is slowly subsiding thanks to all the water I am drinking. My forehead is having a lot of trouble healing and every time I stretch it out (basically picking the scab...) I love feeling it crack in all those places. I need to just leave it alone. I am going to leave it alone.
I haven't scratched today, just yelled and cried the whole way to work because my neck hurts and I am so fucking uncomfortable.
Seriously, I hate this. One of the shitty parts about it too is that I can't even take a bath in my own house because our bathtub is chipping. My roommates bath tub reeks of piss and mildew and I have found toenail clippings in it. I would love to clean it but I don't have gloves to protect my hands and wrists from the harsh cleaning products.
Maybe I should look into a maid. Might be worth it...
So I realized in all this bullshit that everyone deals with during TSW, the true cherry on top is the insomnia. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it too. I ate super healthy yesterday, no sugar and had my sleepytime tea.
It could have been the lack of bath, the last time I had a bath was 4 days ago. I had just been taking quick cold showers to wash the pertinent areas.
This is really hard. I really want it to be over already. I am trying to stay strong and positive, but every now and then I think it is really healthy to just wail like a fuckin baby and yell and scream about how this is absolute bullshit and question why the hell you have to go through this and then demand the universe or the lord or whoever to "HEAL MY SKIN!".
It healthy to do that every now and then. But once you are done, be done with it. You should be a pretty calm after an outrage like that due to the fact that it's tiring yelling and crying.
I have a 15 minute drive to work and it's the perfect time for a personal temper tantrum.
I am on my break right now, drinking my tension tamer tea and I must admit I feel a little better. For my lunch break I am going to my best friends house to take a bath and eat lunch.
Usually I always want to check the time when I am in the tub and I play some healing chant or relaxing indian flute music but today I will sit in silence and not check the time.
I will close my eyes and think of all the things I am grateful for right now. Not how grateful I WILL be when my skin does heal but the things I am grateful for right now. Like at least I have four limbs, hair on my head, healthy lungs to breathe, even the fact I have such a great friend like Haley to offer her bathtub to me and banana pancakes afterwards, etc. It's so easy to forget about what we do have.