Haarlem Update.

My dog is spending his second night in the AM/PM Hospital off Lamar. Last night, I stayed at my parents and once Gio found out the news of Haarlem not coming home for the night he immediately had his shift covered and drove all the way to Smithville for the night. It really made the night so much more bearable. I'm lucky to have him in my life and right now he what's keeping me going. He's been so supportive of my skin and stayed so positive about Haarlem. 

Haarlem has immune mediated hemolytic anemia; IMHA. His body's immune system is attacking his red blood cells. His RBC count was at 12.5% out of 100%. The good news is he has improved slowly since he has been there, the count went up to 17%. The treatment for this is steroids, immunosuppresents and anti biotics and it's very extensive. They don't know what caused it and it's not even 100% he'll make it. It's absolutely terrifying. I don't normally like to post things like this on FB but I posted a status and picture about Haarlem asking for good thoughts and prayers. I believe he needs every bit. He looked so sad and weak when I last saw him, it broke my heart. 

I broke down when we came back to Smithville last night. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I didn't want to hold it in either. I walked out to the end of their yard where the trees meet and just started bawling as loud as I could. My heart began to ache and feel sore. I eventually got down on my knees and looked up to the sky and started crying as I held Haarlem's collar to my chest. I didn't even feel any pain to stretch my neck upwards, I didn't care. I have felt so heavy with misery lately and crying this dramatically and loudly was the only thing that felt right and felt good. It was relieving. My Mom came out there after a while and by that time I was sweating, just driblets all over my face. My entire body felt warm. I literally broke down. 

I decided to discontinue the moisturizer withdrawal on my face but continue on my arms and neck because I am seeing drastic improvement. But my face is so very sensitive and I just do not want to deal with a "beard scab" right now. That's basically what happens with the moisturizer withdrawal, your skin heals on its own and forms a big scab that prevents you from moving. Yeah, just moving in general hurts. I understand why Dr.Soto from Japan recommends only attempting MW if you feel strong enough because it is undeniably one of the worst feelings in the world to stretch my neck to the left or right or up when I let it dry without moisturizer. I can hear and feel each tiny crack "pop" open. The easy thing about my arms is I can just wear a long sleeve and not think about.  Right now, the only thing I want to think about is Haarlem healing. 

This dog is my guardian angel, my sunshine, one of my best friends and practically my kid. I would do anything for Haarlem because I know he would do anything for me. I pray and hope and wish that he returns home tomorrow with a higher red blood cell count and a stronger immune system. I love you big bear.