As I enter into one of the worst flares so far, one of the words that keeps popping into my head is humbling. This has all been a very humbling experience. I'm not "pretty" in the least bit right now. But that's honestly the last thing on my mind. Right now I just want to feel better. I want to get a good nights sleep, I want to stop scratching my skin to rawness in my sleep and for the love of God I want the rash to stop spreading down my back.
I visit the ITSAN website now like I used to visit FB. There is no point of me checking FB anymore because I can't go to any of the events I'm invited to, I can't post pictures and I would rather not look at everyone living their lives red skin free while I sit at home jealous. It helps a lot to watch Dr.Rapaport's videos and listen to the teleconferences with him. I also like reading people's blogs and seeing how happy they are when they are healed. Just from time.
I have stopped living my life. Now it completely revolves around tending to my skin and staying home. My schedule is dictated by my skin. It's extremely hard to stay positive but that's really the only choice I have. Our thoughts control our emotions and our emotions can even control our health. I'll be damned if I make this process even longer by being a negative Nancy.
I start my Teacher Training in Santa Fe next weekend. I was nervous about going and seeing everyone with my red skin so I wrote my favorite Aunt who is leading the training and forewarned her about my skin. This was her reply...
Hey sweetie, congratulations on standing in your truth and not wanting to continue the pattern of driving things beneath the surface where it only causes more damage and pain.... Teacher training seems to have already started for you..... we will totally support you with or without a rash on your face, remember this journey is about finding your true north, your true self, beyond appearances. I know how challenging this can be and how we are constantly challenged on this as women in the west. We love you and see you as your eternal beautiful self and the class will be right there for you as well.
love and light
I'm not as nervous anymore. Like I have said before one of the only things that makes this journey easier is being surrounded by people who truly love you for who you are.