That's how this healing has been going. Still progress, yet mentally challenging. My skin took a turn for the worse today after work, first came the creeping redness down towards my wrists and slithering down my chest from my neck. Next, swelling. My arm creases began to be a problem when I tried to bend my elbow, this is a never a good sign especially if I'm in public. Looks like grocery shopping will have to wait, all I could grab was cocoa butter, Epsom salts and bananas. I had to get home fast and dive into a bath. But first, let's have a mini breakdown on the drive home and make it snow in the car till my skin bleeds. Dammit. Why do I give in?! It's disgusting and so unhealthy to scratch the way I do, but it's as if it takes over my mind for a few minutes and convinces me there is no hope.
Mind over matter!!! Eczema is such a little conniving bitch. It's not just a skin disease, it's a challenge your fuckin willpower every day disease.
If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill
It's days like this I remember how easy it used to be to slather on some yummy steroid cream and in a few hours see a huge improvement....until a few days later and it comes back with a friend. Oh hey big spot on your forehead! Or what's up huge ass shoulder dot?
I will not give in and use steroids again. It doesn't heal my skin. It doesn't make me healthy.
I need to be HEALthy in order to HEAL myself. (Which is a much longer, harder process than a quick fix of steroid gel or steroid shot. )
It's really an amazing feeling to have Gio and my family's support on this healing crisis. Makes a world of difference that they understand and don't think I'm crazy. Actually, having anyone tell me they hope I get better faster or tell me they care makes me feel really amazing.
While I cried sitting in the bathtub waiting for it to literally drown my sorrows (sorrows being my crusty skin) Gio lit candles all around the tub, lit incense, turned on the Beatles pandora station and got a cup and began to pour water on my back reminding me its going to be ok and take deep breaths. Three deep breaths later I realized not only do I love that man to Venus and back, but he's right. It is going to be ok.
Just because I'm having a bad night doesn't mean I have a bad life. I accepted tonight for what it was and I'm thankful I have such loving people in my life.