Ok TSW. You win. I get it. Every time you let things heal a little bit, you must come back with a flare to remind me who's really in charge.
At the end of the day, it's pretty simple; I have to endure this. Every moment of it, every flare, every sleepless night, every embarrassing shopping trip and every emotion it brings up. I'm barely 5 months in and it takes an average of 9 months to a YEAR to completely heal.
I get better for a little bit and then I get ahead of myself thinking I lucked out and it's all of a sudden rapidly disappearing.
It's this vicious cycle of not accepting it (consequently eating junk food; cookies, chocolate, muffins), then I get stressed, then my skin swells and it's tight and to my frustration I stretch and scratch through it, then I sit there defeated and oozing and sometimes bleeding, then after a day or a few days of practicing kindness and acceptance it gets better again.
Until I can't manage my stress, or until it just decides to flare up again.
It's very exhausting to say the least and it truly takes up 80% of my energy and attention.
I haven't been able to attend any yoga classes lately because of this flare & Thanksgiving.
Anxiety is coming over me in waves lately. Only thing getting me through it is pranayama exercises; my breath.
Control your breath and you control your mind. That's what my uncle said in training last month, it stuck to me and it's helped me through difficult times.
I can't even believe I am posting all these disgusting pictures of me. Guess it goes to show that this journey is telling my ego to fuck off. (Excuse my language, I'm having a horrible day)
On days like this when I walk around in public running errands or whatever, if people stare I either stare back until they look away or to make myself laugh I all of sudden grimace or make a funny face like I am in a lot of pain. I get a kick out of it.