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Hi! 

Welcome to my blog about how I find peace and health in a crazy world. 

Feeling defeated.

Ok TSW. You win. I get it. Every time you let things heal a little bit, you must come back with a flare to remind me who's really in charge.
At the end of the day, it's pretty simple; I have to endure this. Every moment of it, every flare, every sleepless night, every embarrassing shopping trip and every emotion it brings up. I'm barely 5 months in and it takes an average of 9 months to a YEAR to completely heal.

I get better for a little bit and then I get ahead of myself thinking I lucked out and it's all of a sudden rapidly disappearing.

It's this vicious cycle of not accepting it (consequently eating junk food; cookies, chocolate, muffins), then I get stressed, then my skin swells and it's tight and to my frustration I stretch and scratch through it, then I sit there defeated and oozing and sometimes bleeding, then after a day or a few days of practicing kindness and acceptance it gets better again.
Until I can't manage my stress, or until it just decides to flare up again.
It's very exhausting to say the least and it truly takes up 80% of my energy and attention.

I haven't been able to attend any yoga classes lately because of this flare & Thanksgiving.

Anxiety is coming over me in waves lately. Only thing getting me through it is pranayama exercises; my breath.

Control your breath and you control your mind. That's what my uncle said in training last month, it stuck to me and it's helped me through difficult times.


 

 12.1.14 in the top picture during a bad flare after Thanksgiving and the bottom picture is the next morning after it flaked off.

12.1.14 in the top picture during a bad flare after Thanksgiving and the bottom picture is the next morning after it flaked off.


 After the first bad flare (on 12.1.14), I woke up to this. Thank god for my Dyson.

After the first bad flare (on 12.1.14), I woke up to this. Thank god for my Dyson.

 Everywhere feels sore and sensitive.

Everywhere feels sore and sensitive.

 I feel fugly. Swollen eyes, nose and cheeks and losing my fucking eyebrows!

I feel fugly. Swollen eyes, nose and cheeks and losing my fucking eyebrows!

I can't even believe I am posting all these disgusting pictures of me. Guess it goes to show that this journey is telling my ego to fuck off. (Excuse my language, I'm having a horrible day)
On days like this when I walk around in public running errands or whatever, if people stare I either stare back until they look away or to make myself laugh I all of sudden grimace or make a funny face like I am in a lot of pain. I get a kick out of it.



 

I will go anywhere as long as it's forward!

Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself. -Chanel