After this disease strips me of everything I once loved, all I have left if my spirit. My soul. My morals and values and my sense of humor.
I don't enjoy going out because of the pain and itchiness, I don't enjoy getting dressed up because clothes rub me the wrong way. I don't drink anymore and don't really intend to. I don't smoke to "ease the anxiety" because it doesn't help. I don't ever look pretty in my eyes. I could go on and on but that doesn't do any good either.
I do have my spirit though. I won't let it take that from me.
I woke up this morning with a raw scabby back and puffy eyes like usual. My brother who crashed on my couch left early and texted me telling me he was pissed at my roommates. So then I proceeded to scratch my wrists raw in a panicked frenzy. My collarbone skin is red and raw and bothers me.
It seems to be slowly moving around and lightly staying in all the original places. The itchiness was so unbearable last night, I took THREE benedryl and drank my sleepytime tea. I am really against having to do all that, but it was making me feel crazy to not be sleepy and to be that uncomfortable in my own skin.
I went to Gio's band show last night and it was nice to see him do what he loves. But I don't enjoy being around the whole "bar scene" anymore. I don't enjoy drunk people and I don't think I will drink once my skin gets better either. Or at least that's how I feel right now.
I miss the peacefulness in Santa Fe.
Austin seems to be too much for me right now. I don't want to live in a big city and Austin has become a big city.
The mountains are calling me home.