I miss my life. I miss who I used to be. I miss the old problems I had with my skin; occasional break out, tan lines. But this. This has turned into my absolute worst nightmare. It hasn't really improved in about a month and my attitude lately has gotten worse.
I look at old pictures of me and it's hard to believe that happy, fun girl was ever me.
EVERYTHING revolves around my skin. And EVERYTHING fucking affects it. The wind stings, showers burn, sleep is useless again, yoga hurts and I'm losing energy again. It has spread to my back and stomach and the tops of my hands. I truly truly HATE going into public now because it's so uncomfortable.
Oh and did I mention the itching is NON STOP. Every single second of my day I am at least touching my skin or picking at it or rubbing it, I can't find the control to stop!!!
This past weekend was Halloween and it was extremely depressing to say the least. I went out for Gio's show on Thursday and actually found this really cute bat hoodie costume and figured I would wear sunglasses to hide my skin and I would fit right in. Nope. No way Jose. I looked like a full fledged idiot. Barely anyone was dressed up (it was Hallow's Eve) and I could barely hear or see anyone due to the hood and shades. Plus I can't drink so that made it really fun. It was awkward, stressful and I felt like Gio didn't barely notice me. I stayed home alone at my parents for Halloween and spent Saturday night and Sunday night alone too. At first I never really minded that Gio works every weekend but it's starting to get lonely.
I'm sick of having no life. I feel as if I'm just slowly fading into the background and no one notices. Sometimes I worry if this really will go away with time. What if I am stuck with it for the rest of my life?
I'm worried that my friends and family are tired of hearing me complain or whine. I feel so lonely because even when I do vent to my friends, no one truly knows how horrible this suffering is. Unless they have gone through it. My neck is radiating heat right now but I feel freezing, the chills have been getting worse lately. I wonder if going to a heated hatha yoga class would benefit me? I wish I had someone to talk to that's been through this.