ACL weekend...gave me a lot of time alone to think. Think about feeling sorry for myself, think about Haarlem's health, think about how hard this training is going to be for me, and most of all I have just been feeling sorry for myself. It's pretty pathetic. Oh, woe is me why can't my skin be healthy enough so I can be with Gio at ACL right now jamming to Pearl Jam?!?!?
Because it's not in the cards for me this year. I NEED TO ACCEPT the present moment and stop being so anxious about when I am going to heal. Doesn't look like anytime soon, so let's stop and focus on what's happening right now.
I can't stop fucking scratching, that's whats happening right now and all the time lately. I think it's mentally induced. I wish I could just be like Michael Jackson and wear gloves all the time, but it's weird and uncomfortable to me... tried it. Haha. Meditating is getting harder and harder because I can't sit still. Practicing pranayam definitely helps and doing Kundalini yoga at home.
This week we move into our new home and I'm happy because that will keep me busy. Hopefully moving into a new house will be a fresh start and I'll feel a little better not being so stressed out in this huge dirty ass house. It's cluttered lately because everyone knows we are moving soon so what's the point in organizing it. I went over to the new house a few hours ago and set up my yoga mat and brought over my record player and records. I tried to practice but I got through half of one sun salutation b and took a nap on my mat in childs pose. My arms started stinging from the stretching and my neck tightened up instantaneously. Savasana was even hard which is why I went into childs pose. I miss practicing yoga and can't wait until I can practice again steadily and be fit and healthy and active.
I know I like posting pictures to track my progress but my skin doesn't look any better or any worse right now. It feels worse because of all the sun I got on Friday. Oh yeah, I did go to ACL Friday but didn't see any good bands I wanted to and I'm pretty sure I burned my skin from the sun. It wasn't even worth it to me, I was dead tired by 7 pm and wanted nothing more but a bath and some ItchEase tea. I miss going out and having fun with Gio the most; whether it's the park, a festival, lunch or going downtown. He's my best friend and we understand each other perfectly. Being with him is a treat in itself.
I love Giovanni so much. I hope he has a good spot at Pearl Jam, they start in 13 minutes.