Owning my story.

Lots of changes in my life lately. My trip to Santa Fe wasn't the best so far, but probably the most challenging actually. It started out with crying in Gio's arms at the airport because I didn't want to go, I felt sick and my skin was hurting. I wanted to throw a pity party honestly. I didn't realize how hard this training is going to be; flying every month, being in dirty ass airports with my skin issue surrounded by strangers. Plus now that I have a car payment on top of flights every month, money was beginning to stress me out. I also found out once I was there that my cousin Gurumittar isn't even technically doing the training like I thought she was. So that made me feel kind of alone and challenged in a new way. But whatever, that was the least of my problems because when I found that out I was more concerned with peeling off my flakey neck skin... (sorry if that's gross, truth hurts). I want to be able to stop myself when I start truly harming my skin and scratching hard and over and over again, it's like I am taken over and don't stop till I scratch off all the scabs. I did this every single night when I was there.

Once training started I found it extremely hard to maintain focus. Usually I am pretty good about coming into my body and calming down but not this weekend. This weekend I was in my head complaining about why I didn't want to come and how my skin is hard to deal with and how I miss Gio and the new house and wanted to drive my new car; the list went on. It was crazy how distracted I was. Where was my self-discipline?! Oh, speaking of which I didn't do my homework either so now I must do two months worth. Once Guruchunder (my uncle)started to give me my ten bodies treatments, I started to open up to him and talk to him about how I would like to cultivate more self-discipline in my life and he mentioned that I also need self-compassion. I really love talking to G, he's become my personal chiropractor and therapist. I completely trust him and also feel as if I can be my goofy self in front of that whole family. He said that's something that comes whenever you begin to shine your true light; you make other people want to as well. It's like a high being around them. Needless to say, the weekend got a lot better as it progressed. I had some good laughs in training with Gurusundesh (my other cousin) and I also ate chocolate cake for Shabd Avtar's birthday and my skin didn't go crazy!!

The last day I had a good talk with Gurumittar about basically everything and anything. But she told me that if I am sleeping regularly (more than before at least..) having good bowel movements and if my energy is returning back to normal then that means my internal body is healthy and the skin just needs to catch up. Which in my mind means that the worst is over! I just need to keep up! We also talked about our boyfriends, our familes, our cars and she might even highlight her hair during the last month of training when I get mine done!

Yesterday I bought an unlimited yoga pass at Yoga Yoga, attended a kundalini class and went grocery shopping yesterday at Randall's (which I really like it there).

As far as skin progress goes, it basically looks the same and goes back and forth between looking better and worse. The itching is far more manageable and oozing is at a minimum. Swelling is not near as bad. My eyelids are always a little puffy and even more so in the morning but I feel like they improve 1% every day. Overall I think my skin is improving at 10% rate per month. Which yes that's slow but at the same time at least I am noticing improvement and not declining. Once I notice a big improvement,  I will be sure to post pictures.