It pains me to feel this way sometimes. I lose my motivation for short spurts that seems like lifetimes. But the truth is the truth. And people with a skin condition struggle immensely and our overall quality of life is affected deeply.
Literally everything we do includes the skin. There is no checking out from this pain and exhaustion. You cant hide it from yourself or anyone that glances your direction. You are humbled every morning you wake up and walk to the mirror or touch your skin first thing and already feel like you have no control of over yourself. You’re humbled when strangers at work or the grocery store catch a glimpse of the burning red wrist or neck and look back to your eyes with concern and confusion. Most likely, we look down. How does that affect our brain? Always looking down and being small. Feeling defeated. Helpless. Tired. Uncomfortable. The body and mind connection is real and this is a sick cycle that I am have been curious about breaking for four years now.
Perhaps it’s stronger than me and everyone else going through it, and maybe it’s done with you when it decides it’s done with you. Until then, stop fighting it. You won’t “win”.
I have red skin syndrome. I don’t have cancer and at least I have my legs. But regardless, anyone else going through this and myself included can probably state that this seems like the hardest fucking thing to ever go through. It is the cherry on top of everything stressful in life reminding you at the end of the day you are at the mercy of nature and your frail body.
It’s not giving up. I’m just having a moment of complete surrendering and stillness in the moment. Here I am. Hot, swollen, stiff and defeated. I am falling apart. And there is a silver lining because when I reach this dark place, what follows is always lighter.
Point is through out all of this is that now it’s out of me. A little bit. And it’s here on my blog to offer a chance for someone to reminded that they are not alone in their suffering. In my vulnerability, we both heal.